My husband and I have had three main goals for our judo adventure around the world:
Any athlete knows the agony of having an injury. All you want to do is get back at your sport- the aching is a reminder of what you are unable to do. It plagues your mind. Its similar to when you are a committed employee and you get sick- that presentation, report, and lingering to-do list haunts you as you are stuck in bed to mend. As I was taken to the university doctor for evaluation all I could do was feel sorry for myself. Thinking of the practices I will miss. The opportunities for improvements lost. The worry about how long this will put me out. The self pity machine ran heavy as the doctor twisted, poked, and prodded to determine the source and magnitude of the injury. As an athlete this sense of anger towards being injured is natural - it comes with a deep sense of sadness and helplessness because you are being held back from what you need to do. But I am older for an athlete. I am not stubborn and I refuse to run back to the gym prior to healing. I know injuries and illness are a part of life. And I am not someone who allows for much sulking. Here's my go to "how to survive an injury/illness" guide:
The above being said, I have been working my butt off at self care, committing 100% to it and am feeling better daily and because of this, I will likely be back on the mat earlier than the doctors anticipated! The fact that I only let myself sulk for an hour or so allowed me to spend most of my time committed to being better than ever. Take care of yourself. Listen to your body. Be creative when you are down. Be positive. Then get back at it- stronger, more focused, more gratuitous, and more empowered than ever.
0 Comments
I distinctly remember at recess racing to be the first of the kids at the swings so that I had maximum air time. There was magic in the swing set that no other playground equipment had. As you hurdle yourself off the ground and propel yourself upwards, the air blowing in your face you are immediately desiring to fly higher. To see more of the sky. To feel weightless and carefree. Soaring upwards you feel light. Untouchable. Like a bird floating through life. Disconnected from all the madness, people, problems, and insanity that lies below you at ground floor. You soar towards the heavens, the blue skies opening up with beauty and peace. But much like life anytime you soar upwards you immediately are catapulted back down. You are only gifted the reward of that serene flotation if you work for it. If you pump your legs and thrust your hips hard enough to catapult yourself back up into the wide open. As a child the swings were my absolute favorite. And then middle school happened and recess wasn't a thing. Then high school, college, and 'real life' happened and I forgot about swings. My love for them never died - just remembering them- and making time for them did. Yesterday I walked by a park (as one often does) and for whatever reason I made a mad dash for the swings. It was my first time on them in years. It was still as magical as when I was a child! Except I feel like I appreciated the fresh air, shining sun, trees above, laughing children below, and rush of lightness more yesterday than ever. Maybe I found some symbolism in swinging that I never saw as a child. That the best things in life, you have to work for...and the more work you put in, the higher your soar. Maybe I appreciated the moment with nature more. I am recently finding a sense of love for laying at the beach at night to stare at the overwhelming intensity of the stars and my role in the universe. I am making efforts to look up at the trees instead of down at my phone as I wander the streets. I am loving breathing in freshly cut grass as I partake in runs. Being in the air gives you a connection with nature unlike others- a birds eye view if you will. Like most interactions with nature you leave with a sense of your smallness in the world and a deep sense of connection with what really matters. Today I walked by another park...and went on the swings again. I urge you, next time you see a swing set - embrace the inner child that never stopped loving the rush of floating, the connection with nature, the lesson that your hard work will make you soar, the feeling of escape from all the everyday-ness below, a sense of freedom, and most importantly a reason to smile and laugh. Run like its recess and you need to be one of the first kids there so you have a spot. Get on a swing. Bring yourself a reminder of what matters. It is hard to believe that two months ago I was having panic attacks. I was dreading having to quit my career of 9 years and leave behind all that my adult life had known. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and the fear nearly broke me. Two days later I was on a plane heading to France with 2 bags, a bookbag, my husband, and a stomach full of worry. The second I landed in Paris all of my fears vanished and I can say that this has honestly been the best two months of my life. It is true what they say- the hardest part is facing your fears. That following your heart will never be regretted. It is true that things are always hardest before the best things come. Since embarking out of the work world my adventure has led me to the most beautiful town in France where I got a plethora of physical training and incredible partners who were willing to work 1-on-1 for my improvement. I had the pleasure of experiencing Ramadan in an Islamic country during a time where the west is so fearful of Muslims- I got to see and feel the love everywhere, all the while training with the best that Africa had to offer. Then I flew to Spain where I embarked on the most physically challenging two weeks of my life- banging heads with past and future Olympians, the best in the world - leaving camp performing better than when I arrived and with a new level of motivation and appreciation for judo. So here I sit, two months into my adventure, in the birthplace of Judo in the lovely Tokyo. I am surrounded by a culturally rich environment, clean city, and more judokas than imaginable. It is literally a dream come true. Some things that I didn't expect was the challenge of learning how to fill my days. A few weeks in, I felt guilty for not "doing more" - so I was fervently looking online for "work from home work" and signing up for tons of classes. But I woke up feeling stressed and then was losing sleep, and suddenly I realized there was no need. I have since stepped back and instead am filling my time with whatever I find fulfilling. To my surprise this has meant morning yoga practice, reading ALOT, exploring the top rated places to see in each city we visit (never thought I'd enjoy a soccer stadium...but it was surreal), day dreaming about potential future jobs/paths, writing, contacting loved ones at home, learning a language (slowly), watching movies before bed, playing MAGIC (thanks hasbro), joking with the hubby, learning to cook quick/easy/cheap, taking an online class, and of course lots of training! Not having the demand of working on my plate it's been incredible remembering what it is I actually enjoy doing. Many are the same things I loved as a kid...but just forgot about as 'life' took over. When is the last time you acted like a kid- and just spent the day filled with activities that made you smile? No "must-do" lists...'Obligations" ignored...but just spending the day doing what makes you happy in life? If you have not done so recently - DO IT. You only live once. Fill your days with things that make YOU happiest. Spend time learning what those things are. Spend time remembering what they are. Two months in and here are my big takeaways:
I can't wait to see what these next 4 months have in store for us! What do they have in store for you? Hopefully some scary and happiness filled days.... I would advise listening to it while in the car, arm trailing out the window taking in the cool breeze, on repeat so you can let the beat move your body....by listen #3 you will be singing along even if you don't know any arabic. i was. Being 6 weeks into this job-free, world-tour, judo-training venture I have had a ton of time to reflect. Here are a few realizations that I have made thus far:
The key take-away: Take some time for YOU. Make some time for YOU. You matter. I stood like an anxious parent cheering my heart out at the tournament in France as I watched my training partners compete against the best in the region. As the day passed, I came to a strange realization - all of the teens that I knew best, the ones that were at every session and all the cross training, were the ones leaving with medals. The competitors who I recognized from the club but did not know well, due to their lack of attendance, were the ones quickly defeated and seemingly not surprised. As a competitor that hates to lose, I could not wrap my head around their seeming apathy at the losses- to which my husband calmly replied "they know that they didn't put in the work." It's such a simple concept but one that has taken me years to fully appreciate. When it comes to achieving success in life, you MUST be willing to PUT IN THE WORK. You need to be the one staying late at the office to ensure your assignment is completed on time- and you get that promotion you are after. You need to go to the teachers and TA office hours to fully understand the material- to get that A you want. You need to attend the extra sessions at the gym - to get that place on the medal stand. It is easy to convince yourself that you are giving your all, doing all you can, putting in 110%...but until you fully are committed you will never understand why you are not achieving the success that you think you deserve. So I challenge you- give 110%. How? Mock others who have reached your goals in the past. What efforts did they put in? What have you not been doing? Who can you mimic? Get role models. Ask for help. Try things differently. Do research. Be honest with your boss/coach about your goals and make a plan to get there. Surround yourself with partners, classmates and co-workers who lift you up and help you work towards those goals. Do not be afraid to fail. It will be hard. But if you are wanting more it will be worth it. If you are attending things in life and are satisfied with not achieving highest levels of success, that is totally OK. But if you are wanting more - do more. You can. I shimmied my feet, readying them to press into the ground. My hands gripped around the bar, finding the perfect grip placement. I breathed in deep, mentally preparing my body for the heavy load that I was about to thrust up. I felt at peace. I breathed in and out.
Squeeze the trigger and bodies are hauled off You too boy if you fuck with me The police are gonna have to come and get me Off your ass, that's how I'm going out Immediately my zen was ruined as my husband decides that his music should be put on loudspeaker to "PUMP" both of us up. As much respect as I have for NWA, they are not what I feel inspired by when trying to improve my game. This isn't the first time, nor will it be the last, that I am surrounded by 'motivational' music that in no way motivates me. More often than not, it distracts me. Most frequently you find this at the gym...where you know if old man Tom opened because country music is blaring, or if the desperately needing a paycheck George opened because Heavy Metal is filling the room. I've felt old when doing judo with teens who like to train to the newest pop music and I've felt listless when trying to follow along to a training session when Spanish rap is enveloping me. I've wanted to murder co-workers who think that everyone around them will enjoy the new age garbage they so happily share on speakers through cube walls. I used to think there was something wrong with me. That I should be able to perform optimally despite the environment around me. While overseas I have come to embrace, this is not the case. You will perform your best when you feel motivated, at peace, happy, and enjoying the environment around you. And you will never have a perfect working/training environment- so you need to control what you can! In coming to terms with this, I have also realized that my "jams" likely would never make someone else happy either. As I created my dream playlist songs float from Tom Petty aspirational lyrics, to JT and Jamie Foxx uplifting jams, some lady anthems from Sia, angry Eminem, to throwback Backstreet Boy pop, in your face Minaj, and obviously with some calming Cake. My playlist would make NO sense to anyone else. It embodies songs that sing to my soul. They motivate me, inspire me, keep me moving, give me good memories, and remind me of whats ahead. Your story is different than mine. Your soul songs would never align with mine. Nor would they align with our co-worker, husband, or Gym-openers George & Tom. Don't be ashamed if its different than "normal" - if it works for you, then the playlist is perfection. I realize that these situations are not always avoidable. That sometimes you will be forced to perform and work with the most un-motivating of situations with the least inspiring sounds... BUT when you can, create your own playlist! Invest in some $1 earbuds or some sound-silencing headphones and get yourself in the jam. Invest in yourself. Work environments and work-out environments are rarely if ever ideal. Do all you can to make it ideal for you. I've got my earbuds in. so that during my next lift, I wont be distracted by NWA. Whats your jam? What will you put on play as you prepare for your next challenge? ***Dear TurdBalls, I was beyond excited about the owner of the gym and coach of the class welcoming my husband and myself into your facility, so that I could improve my mat game. I love working with new coaches- to have exposure to different techniques, exercises and insights - it has helped me to grow into the black belt that I am today. You should be able to appreciate this, as martial artists yourselves. As I got prepared for the very exciting practice my husband explained that we were leaving instead. On the way to a different gym it was explained to me that we left because two paying customers were uncomfortable taking a class alongside a woman. I wanted to let you know that had I been aware as to why we were leaving, I would not have left. My husband is a very kind, respectful man who did not want to cause an issue. I am not him. Had I known that you were whining about being in the room with a woman I would have done exactly what I have done 100s of times before around idiots like you. Proven your insecurities wrong. I would have trained right next to you. Ensuring that I worked 15 times harder. I would have made sure that my techniques were being executed perfectly, that my speed was increasing with each move, and that my focus was 110% on getting better. I would have crushed any partner I worked with, all while being extremely friendly, respectful, and supportive of their growth. I would have epitomized what martial arts and athletic partnership is all about- making yourself and your training partners better than we were when we walked in the door. I would have fully respected your antiquated hatred for females and would have avoided touching you. I would have ensured that you were aware that a female being in the room WOULD NOT ruin your training. I would have made you question your thinking. I would have made you look my way and wonder why my skills are so good and why everyone enjoys working with me. You are not a stranger. I have seen idiots like you my entire life. I have tried to validate an understanding for your sexism- I've heard all the excuses. It's fear of doing worse than a girl. It's not a woman's place. It's not a lady-like sport. Its a religious view or an ideology passed down from your dad. Its out of respect for women so that you don't hurt us. It is a validation of your manliness. I get it. Its a lot of excuses...and bottom line is you are uncomfortable. But I am writing this open letter to let you know- TOUGH SHIT. Life is full of discomfort. Get over it. Get over yourself. My self improvement literally does not impact you. Focus more on yourself and less on whether a chick is bench pressing next to you. You are lucky that my husband didn't explain why we had to leave. Because had I known about your sexism, I would have stayed, and you may have left practice pondering how you survived with a female near by. Had I stayed, your insecurities may have come into question. Your mind may have been changed. Sincerely, The girl who beat up every wrestler who ever avoided being her partner, The women who lifts more than the assholes who don't want her on the sqaut rack, The lady who throw judo players that wonder why women are there, The female who sprints faster than the guys who hate being in the same heat as her, The chick who armbars the bjj players who don't want a girl partner, The feminist who works harder because of assholes like you PS- I got in one of the best training sessions of the month when I left your sexist filled gym. Thanks Karma. Hope you enjoyed your sausage fest. ***To clarify: the gym owner and coach apparently still wanted us to stay despite these turds. Apparently they thought it was ridiculous. This incident was no reflection of the gym itself. Literally just two jackasses...**** All Muslims are Terrorists. All Refugees are Sick. All Christians are Zealots. All Blacks are Criminals. All Men are Sexists. All White Men are Powerful. All Democrats are Liberal Hippies. All Poor People are Lazy. In a society that constantly feels rifled with hatred, segregation, and nonacceptance - I constantly worry for where the hatred views will lead. I fear of a society where acceptance, empathy, love, and understanding is valued less than stereotypes. I fear of future Holocausts as hate crimes seem to incessantly increase. But then there are moments like last week... where my faith in our society is restored. It was like a bad joke. A jew & christian walked into a bar... Except it was a Turk, Parisian, American, Moroccan, Asian, and slew of children that were mixed concoctions of the above. No one had the same background. Our upbringings consisted of differences in religions. Our jobs varied from un-employed to financial VPs. Yet the room was filled with love, laughter, compassion and delicious food. Everyone giggled as the children caused spills and typical childish nightmares. The chefs were complimented as everyone basked in delicious ethnic dishes. The group bonded over commonalities, which were plenty-some, as conversations lasted for hours. I could not help but to sit back frequently, quietly, and bask in how magical the evening was. This is what life is meant to be like. People from all over, finding common ground, ignoring and respecting one another's differences. Finding love and laughter despite them. Little children, of all colors and sizes, playing games and giggling alongside other little humans. I left with a sense of hope. Hope that despite the constant media onslaught of bigotry that I am hit with daily, that love and acceptance does exists out there. That maybe I need to make an effort to hold these kind of gatherings with my multicultural loved ones. Maybe a path to more acceptance in society starts with dinner parties. Individuals breaking down the societal hate, by finding love and commonality with people who are "different"...bonding over breaking bread. Maybe by doing so I can change ONE persons ill-conceived perception of an entire group of people. Maybe it will work. Maybe it wont. But for me, we've all got to eat...so why not do it together.
The newspaper this past week officially deemed Chateau Gontier (the small town 3 hours outside of Paris that I am training at) to be the most beautiful city in all of France. Sounds like a hokey, tourist slogan...but having visited Oxford University and seeing where Lewis Carroll wrote his famous novel about Alice and her notorious looking glass and her ventures to wonderland, I am daily convinced that the wonderland she fell into...was here. Every day is like a surreal, breathe-taking, magic land here. If Alice Through the Looking Glass wasn't in your library as a dorky kid like myself, imagine Beauty and the Beast in real life. This is where Belle grew up. I just want to bottle up this fresh grass smell. As I wander the roads and traverse the side streets of the French countryside, I can feel myself taking in deeper breathes. It is like I am trying to swallow the deep scent of fresh cut grass, blooming flowers, and sunshine so that my body won't forget its magic and pureness.
I realize that "the grass is always greener" but here it seems like the grass is also taller and flowing more magestically than anywhere else! People spend time trimming perfect hedges and the lands seem to flow endlessly with uncut grass blowing in the winds. Realizing that my visit to this wonderland is soon coming to an end, I am doing my best to be truly grateful for each moment. Being thankful for the fact that I have time during the day to go for an hour long walk. Basking in the sunshine as I meditate in the middle of the afternoon. Watching the bright blue skies endlessly span over the bright green landscape is making each step of my daily run easy. It is becoming evident that I either never took enough time to really breathe in all that was around me before. Maybe this was due to stresses from "real life" - always having a work project or looming home "to-do" list cluttering my mind. In this new reality, where I can just wander outdoors, basking in its beauty, without any unbearable tasks distracting me- I am feeling really at peace. I am able to take the time daily to reflect on all the good in my life - all my loved ones, daydreaming about goals, all the joy in the world, and how wonderful life is. I realize it will be a challenge to return home, where the grass is not so green, or tall, or vast- to step away from the daily stresses and take the time to breathe it all in. Maybe if I make the effort to do this, I will realize that life at home is just a lovely- just as green - and that I just was not opening my eyes enough. |
KristinBeliever that everyone is special. Categories
All
Archives
September 2017
|